Things spiritual

POETRY BY THE LATE ANGHARAD JONES

1.  Negative Print
2.  Prince of (C)harm
3.  Well (Again)
4.  Queen of S(Light)
5.   Mother to Daughter
6.   The Owl and the Pussycat
7.   The “F” word
8.   Control Freak
9.   Victim
10. Pocket Man
11. Queen Bee

1. Negative Print
I clench my fist on tender things,
And close my ears to silent wings,
I purse my lips at taste that’s real,
And bolt my heart on all I feel.

With open arms I love the crude,
Embracing all that’s loud and rude,
And in the night my reign is wild,
I am the wilderness’s child.

My thoughts are all distorted fright,
Medusa’s snakes in knotted blight,
I scramble for the crumbs of life
To find them dry and full of strife.

I search for men with dead blue eyes
To see my own reflected lies,
And cling to worldly things and they
Elude me every single day.

Elude, elude – illusions all,
The mirror mirror on the wall
Now shattered to a thousand shards
All tricking with their bright facades.

Tricking into cheating games,
Delusions with my heart in flames,
A captive in deceit’s deep thrill,
A victim of my own strong will.

And as the will engorges more
The thrills burn burn me to my core,
The false deceiver leaves the room
The cravings multiply in bloom.

The wanting, wanting, one loud scream,
The nightmare now a toxic stream,
The last denial - owl’s live yell -
Then silence. It’s my own death knell.

And in the great big nothingness
A tender wind comes to caress
My face and eyes, my ears, my fists
And slowly, slowly, all untwists.

And smooth and tender is the night
I am no longer flight or fright,
Nor mask nor cheat nor Queen of slight,
There is within a small dim light.

The mad kaleidescope is still,
The crazy colours of my will,
I am no more a broken soul
I am at one with all, and whole. 
(2009)

2.  Prince of (C)Harm
You came prowling,
I was on my guard ;
You came sniffing -
that age old charade.

Then you changed your tactics,
I knew all the tricks,
But I was out of practice,
unready for the fix

Of those sad old eyes,
that crinkly smile,
you don't tell lies
you just smile smile smile.

Omission is your mission,
Evading is your thing,
Cryptic, enigmatic -
you keep me on a string.

You're the Prince of Charm
The Prince of Harm,
Under all that charming,
All you do is harm harm harm.

And I loved all the harming
Addicted to your charm,
You, the dark Prince Charming,
I wilted on your arm.

And, wilted, I kept clinging
to you, and lost all strength,
You, you started prowling
and kept me at arm's length.

I knew you were out sniffing
the new and fresher blooms,
And I just keep retreating
to rooms of doom and gloom, gloom, gloom.
And there's no happy ending
for this Snow White in here,
who fell for Mister Charming -
the emperor who's bare

bare under the clothing
he wears with such aplomb,
his only real feeling
is for himself alone, lone, lone.
You're the Prince of Charm,
The Prince of Harm,
Under all that charming,
All you do is harm harm harm.
(2009)

3.Queen of (S)Light
I have no outer layer,
My nerves are all on show,
I've no faith in prayer,
I don't go with the flow.

I'm uptight and all rigid,
Creating my own hell,
With no control, I'm livid
And inside I just yell

Cause I'm the Queen of slight
Defensive, out to fight,
Driven by such fright
That I shut out any light.

How and why are pointless,
Analysis is death,
My self-absorption endless,
I inhale poisoned breath.

I'm the Queen of slight,
No ignition and no flint,
No faith, only fright,
Mrs Negative Print.

But one day soon,
This queen will see
With a light like dawn
The girl she used to be.

And when it comes,
When it comes,
When it shines,
When it warms,
Then I'll smile,
- Been a while -
Cause I'm free,
Free to be
Anyone, anyone, anyone
I want to be.

I have no outer layer,
And that's ok by me,
Lightness is my prayer,
The flow, the flow is me.

The Queen of Slight
is the Child of Light
She is light, light, light
and the dawn is bright, bright, bright.
(2009)

4.  Well (Again)
Cracked and parched,
the dried-up wishing well,
A gaping hole all emptied,
The black black hole of hell.

Despair in every echo,
A hollow loneliness,
The walls hard clay of sorrow,
An “O” that croaks dryness.

It took too many silvers,
They rained in to its pool
And danced like April’s showers,
But it was April’s fool.

A fool who took the money,
That stopped the water’s flow
Mistook the taste for honey,
And drank its vapid glow.

But wish, oh well, so humble,
With faith and hope as keys,
That it will come, the rumble
Of new springs, and with ease

Of love that’s giving,
The flow, the flow will come,
A rush of running water
To fill the deadened dome -

The wishing well stops wishing,
It’s traded in false dreams
For every second living,
For ever present streams.

And now the dried up wallow
Is laughing to its sides,
It’s washed away all sorrow,
And drinks the rain from skies.
(2009)

5.  Mother to Daughter
There’s a part of me that’s sad
To see your beauty shine,
A part of me so glad
You are a child of mine.

Your open smile so wide,
While I can barely smile,
No secrets, lies to hide,
Your road an open mile,

And sometimes I’m so scared
You’ll self-destruct like me,
Can’t bear to see you scarred -
I want you to be free.

But I’m the one who’s gloom
Is bearing you right down,
It’s me who stunts your bloom,
With my embittered frown.

I’m pushing you away
With each self-pitying whine,
Your love wanes day by day,
No presence worse than mine.

If I could be the laugh
That once made hay and shone,
We’d be like two whole halves,
Apart but not alone.

I will, my love, will heal,
And make you proud again,
I’ll be the real deal,
The self-less mum will reign

Again, again one day,
Will live and let you live,
Not sabotage your way,
Stop taking - learn to give.
(2009)

6.  The Owl and the Pussycat
Too whit too whoo,
too whit too whoo …

I’m the owl,
You’re the pussycat,
I cry foul
To your each dictat.

But I let you
Win the game,
And I always
Take the blame.

I was willing
To take back seat,
But kept resenting
Your clay feet.

And it was me
Who had to go,
Set you free –
Your fan club grows.

But don’t you still
Late late at night,
Miss the thrill
Of our old fight ?

The tender tough
Love affair,
The royal rough
Wear and tear ?

I’m alone,
It was my fate,
Should have known
Never to date

A pussycat,
The lion king,
There never would
Be a ring.

I wonder if
I’ll fly again,
Never been
In so much pain.

I miss your purr,
I miss you, sir.
Too whit too who,
Too whit too who.
(2009)



7.  The “F” word
Fear is small,
Faith is tall,
Fear’s a crawl,
Faith straightens all.

Fear drags low,
Faith frees the flow,
Fear’s a hunchback,
Faith’s a light pack.

Fear is sorrow,
Faith is tomorrow,
Fear is anger,
Faith is tender.

Fear’s young made old,
Fear’s warm froze cold,
Faith’s old made young,
Faith new songs sung.

Fear is a glove,
Faith is a dove,
Fear’s a clenched fist,
Faith wing in mist.

Fear is an owl,
Fear, fixed, in night ;
Faith is a foal
Faith fragile,light.

Fear negates,
Faith creates,
Fear is blind,
Faith is kind.

Fear - back to womb,
Faith – seeks to bloom.
Fear retracts.
Faith enacts.

Fear - an own goal,
Faith - out of gaol,
Fear is all blame
Faith plays the game.

Fear - dictator,
Faith - listener,
Fear - to conquer,
Faith - surrender.

Fear is self hate hate all,
Fear mirror’d wall,
Faith is self love love all
Faith rise from fall.

Fear - fortified fence,
Faith - no defence,
Fear - trench, barbed wire,
Faith - light on spire.

Fear – gossip, strife
Faith –still core of life,
Fear – cynic, bore,
Faith - naive encore.

Faith - rhyming joy,
Fear – “it’s all a ploy”,
Faith - my best friend,
Fear - the Dead End

On life’s one way street -
Live sour or sweet :
Fear is to wither,
Faith is to flower.
(2009)

8.  Control Freak
You called me control freak -
Projection I think it’s called,
I, I just went all weak,
My vibrancy, it palled.

I tried to be your patron,
To set your talents free,
But I became a dragon,
Resenting mostly me.

You left me for another,
Don’t blame you, truth be told,
You found a wife and lover,
(I thought she was too bold).

Control freak, oh control freak,
They’re everywhere around,
They’ll catch you when you’re napping,,
And grind you to the ground.

Then one day like a fairytale,
The elder statesman came,
And asked me out to dinner -
I revelled in his fame.

And basked, reflected glory,
In power politics,
Forgot my own life story,
Corrupted by the fix.

Control freak, oh control freak,
They’re everywhere around,
They’ll catch you when you’re napping,
And grind you to the ground.

And irony of ironies,
At last it dawned, was true,
That this is what exactly
I did, I did to you -  

Took you just for granted -
A bit part in my life -
Convenient when I wanted,
But please don’t give me strife.

Control freak, I was the control freak,
Controlling all I’d see,
But now I’m with a controller 
Far freakier than me.

The ultimate control freak,
With soulful eyes and charm,
I have become my mother,
Resentful to be disarmed

By a man who drives me crazy,
Who also makes me sad,
And it’s a slow epiphany -
-  this man’s just like my dad.

Control freaks, we’re all control freaks,
We’re everywhere around,
We’ll catch ourselves whilst napping,
Grind ourselves to the ground ground ground.
(2009)

9. Victim
She manipulates scenarios
So it’s her who’s always wronged,
Makes him out to be a Lothario,
That she’s the femme fatale, doomed.

Hers the self-fulfilling prophecy,
Of abandonment and pain,
The masochistic story
She recounts again, again.

She’s the victim, oh the victim,
Ecstatic being blue,
She’s the victim, oh the victim -
Convinced herself it’s true.

She ignores all generosity
From nice guys who come her way,
Not for her the mediocrity
Of a real man, day to day.

No, she needs the melodrama
That’s as thin skin deep as her,
The out-of-reach male Alpha,
One to whom she can defer.

Heart an adolescent beating,
Head a psychobablic sham,
She’s full of mad conspiracy
A modern Mrs Haversham.

She’s the victim, oh the victim,
Ecstatic being blue,
She’s the victim, oh the victim –
She hasn’t got a clue.

She grows old with all her cob webs
Tangled neatly all around,
She’ll die in righteous suffering,
Self-deceived till she’s under ground.

She’s the victim oh the victim,
Ecstatic being blue,
And please, my lady listener –
Don’t let this wretch be you.
(2009)

10. Pocket Man
Got a man in my pocket
Don’t tell any one,
He’s really quite a rocket,
I bring him out for fun.

He’s happy in the snugness
Of my secret pouch,
He’s full of joy and lightness
There’s never any grouch.

You may think I’m joking
About this little man,
But I’m not fantasising –
He’s as real as Peter Pan.

And when he’s out, we’re flying,
And I’m under his wing,
The roles we like reversing,
I then am his play thing .

Got a man in my pocket,
I keep him well, well fed,
He’s plugged in to my socket,
The electric’s never dead.

But please don’t tell my girlfriends
About my hidden elf,
In case they’ll pick my pocket
And bag him for themselves.
(2009)

11.  Queen Bee
She strides the hive of power
With menace in her eyes,
Enjoys to see the cower,
She swats us all like flies.

Hers the buzzing reign of terror,
Fear really turns her on,
With some male drones she’ll simper,
Next second they’ll be gone.

Deleted like a used file
On her memory’s hard hard drive,
Statistics on her corpse pile,
She eats us all alive.

Oh Queen Bee, oh oh Queen Bee,
When will your long reign end ?
Oh Queen Bee, oh oh Queen Bee,
You’re really round the bend.

She loves the taste of honey –
But has never made her own,
She’ll drain us to make money,
Next thing you know, she’s flown

And left the hive a wreckage
She claims she has no part,
But she caused all the carnage –
Destruction is her art.

Oh Queen Bee, oh oh Queen Bee,
When will your long reign end ?
Oh Queen Bee, oh oh Queen Bee,
You’re really round the bend.

And in a nightmare moment,
In the mirror there I see
With horror and with torment -
That the Queen Bee is me.
(2009)

....................................................................................................................................................

ANGHARAD JONES
The poems of the late Angharad Jones
read more +

WILLIAM WHITE
The various wisdoms and thoughts of William White
read more +

GOD
GOD has no denomination –
He enters into no category: Catholic, Protestant, Mohammedan or Jew
read more +

NEGATIVE PRINT
I clench my fist on tender things,
And close my ears to silent wings,
I purse my lips at taste that’s real,
And bolt my heart on all I feel.
read more +

READING: PSALM 103
Do you remember the first things you learnt about your Christian Faith? I was probably 3 or 4 years old when I was taught to say ‘God is love’ before a very well attended morning Service.
read more +

A DISCUSSION ON BODY AND SOUL
The best description we have of God as he actually is can be found in the ‘Book of Common Prayer’:- ‘Everlasting, without body, parts or passions; of infinite power, wisdom and goodness.’ I had no difficulty in realising that I was made up of a body, even before I learnt the catechism. But trying to understand that I had a soul as well as a body proved to be more difficult and has remained so until today.
read more +

TRUST HIM
Trust Him when dark doubts assail you,
Trust Him when your strength is small.
Trust Him when, to simply trust Him
Seems the hardest thing of all.
read more +

Please contribute to “things spiritual” and help us too to ‘experience those amazing things’ by clicking on this link.